i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
