he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
