Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
