Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
