Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
