cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
