she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
