I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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