i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
