college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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