You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
