My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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