You're my little dorito
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Randomize
