just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
