I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
