If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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