If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
