1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
