I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
