come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
