how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
