So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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