when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
