don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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