Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
