i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
