just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
