I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
