She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
