yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
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