U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
