Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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