Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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