That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
