You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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