Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
