dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
