It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
