there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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