He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
