I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
