Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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