I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
