Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
