if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
