Hey man sorry I got all grabby
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
