i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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