last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
