so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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