So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize
