and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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